


A Knight and His Maidens

by madwriter223



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alien Culture, Aliens, BAMF Leonard McCoy, Bones is too old for this shit, Gen, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3061892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madwriter223/pseuds/madwriter223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Worst away mission <em>ever</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	A Knight and His Maidens

McCoy blinked at the grinning alien, then closed his eyes, resisting the urge to facepalm himself all the way back to the ship. “You wanna run that by me again?”

“Run what?”

The Doctor gritted his teeth. Right, no understanding of slang. “Could you explain it again, _please_?”

“Are you not familiar with the ritual?” The alien blinked in confusion. “Have you never been challenged for the hands of Fair Spock and Fair Chekov?”

“Fair Spock and Chekov, right.” McCoy glanced at the 'Fair Men'. Both were standing behind the alien, dressed in some kind of flimsy clothes, with goddamn frills wrapped around their waists.

Fucking Hell, they looked ridiculous.

“Um... we don't really have it _this_ way on my planet.” McCoy said, scratching the back of his neck. “At all.”

“Ah, I apologize then.” The alien stood straighter and cleared his throat regally. “I have captured the Fair Spock and Fair Chekov, and-”

“And you dressed them up.” McCoy interrupted, still eyeing the weird-ass clothing.

“Yes. The clothes they were wearing were unbefitting of their beauty.”

“Yeah, sure. Please continue.”

“Thank you. As I was saying,” He cleared his throat again. “I have captured the Fair Spock and Fair Chekov, and I wish to wed them. However, I recognize your claim on them, as you had bravely accompanied them onto my lands, thus I challenge you to a duel.”

“A duel.” Worst away mission _ever_.

“Yes. We will battle valiantly and with honour The victor will gain the hands of the Fair Maidens, and the loser will be shrouded in defeat and humiliation for the rest of his days.”

“Uh-huh.” McCoy looked to the side and cocked his head curiously. “What's that?”

The alien turned his head to look, his mouth opening to explain. McCoy used the moment of inattention and smashed his tricorder into the back of the alien's head.

The alien stumbled, staring at McCoy with confused eyes. “What has happened?”

“Some kind of bug.” McCoy shrugged and glanced to the other side. “There it comes again.”

The alien whirled to the side, looking around frantically for said 'bug'. This gave McCoy ample opportunity to smash his tricorder into the alien's head again. This time, however, he kept hitting the damn creep over and over, till he was good and unconscious. McCoy then quickly hypo-ed his ass so he would _stay that way_.

Battle valiantly and with honour, his wrinkly old ass.

“I believe the phrase 'Our hero' is appropriate to the situation.” Spock said, folding his hands behind his back, while Chekov stared in amazement.

“Yeah, yeah, I won you, now you're both my bitches.” McCoy tucked his tricorder away and crossed his arms grumpily. “Now move your asses outside so we can beam up from this wacko planet.”

“Very well, Doctor.”

“Yes, zir.”


End file.
